Last week we talked about Gratitude. That entails us first looking for all the good our husband does for us (big and small,) and then thanking him for all those things. The homework was to thank your husband 10x more than you are thanking him now. It may have been a bit difficult at first to see all the small, amazing things he does, but I am sure once you started it became easier as the week progressed.
And how about actually saying “Thank you” to your husband? If it is not something that you are used to doing, that too may have felt a little awkward. If you did the appreciation exercises before, then this should have been fairly easy to do for they are almost identical. The main difference is our appreciation exercises were once a day, while this exercise was to stretch you even further and find even more things you are thankful for from your husband. So, from saying Thank You once a day, you were to find 10 things a day you were thankful for. That’s at least 70 times a week that you are showing him that he matters to you! (And even if you were only partly successful, can you imagine how amazing you made your husband feel by showing that he means so much to you?!)
What was the result of this bombardment of appreciation? If your husband has not been shown appreciation in a while, it might take a little bit for him to realize what hit him, but it will come, and you will most likely start seeing results a little here and there, especially if you are continuing to look for all the good he does for you. The trick now is to keep it going!
Have you ever had a time where you and your husband were so in sync that you did not even have to say anything, yet you were both thinking the same thing? There is one experience that really stands out in my mind. We had friends over for lunch one day and my husband was telling a story. He did not get very far, and until that point there was nothing he said that would have given me any inkling as to what he was going to talk about. He was trying to remember the name of the person he wanted to bring up and was not remembering it. At that moment, I blurted out the name that came to my mind, and I got it right. What made this moment so memorable was that I had not thought about this person in many years, but at that moment I just knew.
And how about moments where you just had that feeling that something was off with someone; maybe the person was in trouble, or something told you to call a certain friend or family member and when you acted upon those impulses you found out it was good you did? How is that?
Sometimes we can have these feelings with very close friends or family members, but there is something that binds a husband and wife closer than any other person. What is that?
In Genesis, chapter 2, it says, “God said, ‘It is not good that man is alone; I shall make him a helpmate opposite him.’”(2:18) And just a few verses later, right after the creation of Eve, it says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be as one flesh.” (ibid. 2:24)
From those sentences, we learn two things: Firstly, we are supposed to be a helpmate opposite our husband (whatever that is,) and secondly, husband and wife are supposed to be “one flesh.”
Today we will look at the second sentence. The husband is supposed to leave his parents, cleave to his wife and they should become one flesh. How can we become one flesh? Well, one answer might be to have children. A child is the body born from the flesh of both mother and father. However, if it was just that, then God would have just said to have children. We know that God is very specific in the words He chooses, so there must be more to the story than to have children.
Children are born with pretty big egos. For a toddler, everything is about him. He wants his food now, the toys all belong to him, etc. As parents, our job is to slowly teach this child that there are others in the world as well, and they also have needs, just like he does. Everybody gets hungry and tired, and everyone has desires. Once the child’s eyes are opened to that, we then teach him that life is not all about him. We need to be looking out for the needs of others as well, and sometimes we say no to our desires to help others.
People are both physical and spiritual. We all have a soul, and we all have a body. When we begin to rise above our physical desires to be able to see and understand another person, we become attached to the other person spiritually. The more we try to understand the other person, and the more we look at ways to care for the other person, the more connected we become.
Although, I work on watching out and caring for my friends, family and other people in my life, the relationship that God has me working on connecting to the most is the relationship with my husband, and that only the relationship between and a husband and wife will produce such a close connection that they will become “one flesh.”
There is nothing like the connection between a husband and wife. There is a story about an older couple. The husband took his wife to see a doctor for her foot was hurting. When the doctor came into the room, the husband looked at him and said, “Our foot is hurting us.” How could he say that his wife’s foot is hurting the both of them? Physically they are different people with different bodies. The answer is that the husband was someone who had such a deep connection with his wife that he could feel her pain and her pain was his pain. They were so connected that they were really like one person.
So, while a husband and wife can become as “one” as possible physically through intimacy and with the creation of a child, by constantly looking out for our other half and continuously connecting on a higher level, we can become “one flesh” spiritually as well. When we do, we will be so connected that our husband’s pain will be our pain, and his happiness will be our happiness as well.
Why is it that only in a marriage can you create the closest bond between two individuals?
Well, what is marriage anyways?
Let us look at the very first marriage and see what we can learn from there. God created Man, Adam, from the earth. How was his wife, Eve, created?
It says, “God caused a deep sleep to fall upon man, and he slept, and He took one of his sides, and He closed the flesh in its place.” (ibid. 2:21) And the next sentence continues, “God built the side that He had taken from man into a woman, and He brought her to man” (ibid. 2:22)
Physically, husband and wife were “one”, and then God took a piece from Man’s side and created Woman from that. They were one, and then they were separated. We are told that spiritually this is what God does as well. He takes a soul and splits it into two. One half goes into the baby boy when he is born, and the other half goes into the baby girl when she is born. Marriage is the spiritual rejoining of those two souls. When a husband and wife get married, their two souls merge back into one. Spiritually, with marriage, a man and a woman become “one flesh.”
Now we understand how marriage can bring about the closest bond possible for in marriage the husband and wife really are one.
So, the question is: If my husband and I are connected spiritually, how come I don’t feel it? And how do I become closer to my husband?
The answer is… (drum roll)… Ready? As with anything that is worth it, you have to work at it. When you want to be a better musician, you need to practice. You might be the most talented cello player in the world, but if you don’t practice, you will not be good. You have the POTENTIAL to be good, but you will not be good if you let the cello collect dust. The same is true of marriage. Once married, you and your husband have the potential to have the closest relationship possible, but you have to work on it. When you work on it, the closeness comes to fruition.
We have had many weeks of showing appreciation and gratitude to our husband that hopefully most of you are now seeing some positive results. This week’s homework is to list three feelings or emotions that prevent you from receiving from what your husband wants to give.
See you next time. 💖