Let us do a quick recap from last time. We talked about why you want to keep your husband at the top of your mind all the time, making him your top priority. It is because when you find those moments where you can do what he needs and what he wants, it’s one way you can say thank you to him and to show him your appreciation. And when you do, you are bringing the both of you closer to each other.
The homework was to find those times where you can put your husband first. For example, when you have errands, to try to make it so that his errands were done first. If you made coffee or tea for the both of you, pour the coffee or tea into his cup first.
Keep in mind what the ultimate goal is. Becoming One with each other. No, it will not always be easy (and it is not supposed to be!) for if it were, then there would be nothing to work on, Life would be boring, and you would not be happy.
I want to share a story with you all. Very recently I was sick, which is, thank G-d, not very usual for me. I have been known to get migraines, and I have various triggers for them, but that seems to usually be about it in general. But this time I was sick. My husband was out of town, and the only other person in the house was our 14-year-old son. He had to fend for himself for food (which he REALLY does not like to do,) for those 2 days. I felt bad I could not get up and help. Afterschool on the first day I asked for his help in bringing me medicine and something to drink. When he came into my room with what I asked for and saw me shaking from my fever, I think it really made an impact on him. As I said, I am not usually sick.
Before he went to bed, he asked me if I would be taking him to school in the morning, like I usually do. I told him to ask me in the morning. The next morning, before he came to wake me up, I was awake in bed and heard him take care of one of our fish tanks (we have many!) – without me having to say anything! – and when he did come in to wake me up, he said he could take his bike if I wanted. I finally told him if he wanted to ride his bike that would be helpful.
I definitely was much better the second day; however, I was still in bed most of the time, sleeping on and off the entire day. It was not until close to supper time that I finally felt well enough to talk on the phone with my husband. We do have one other son in town, living very close to us, and my husband asked if I told him I was sick. I said no, and I left it at that. It was not very long after that my other son came and parked in our driveway to come see me. Yes, his father sent him. On one hand, I felt loved that he was there, but on the other hand, I felt a little bad for I was pretty much okay by that time – after all, I was up and about when he showed up. I then remembered I had some chicken broth in the freezer and since I had not eaten all day, felt that would be something that would be helpful to warm up on the stove for me. Since it was just broth, I gave him a hot paper cup to pour it in so all I needed to do is drink it, and it would be less for me to wash afterwards. He not only warmed it up, but he very kindly put a top on it for me as well. Then just as quick as he showed up, he left to get back to what he was doing before.
I was so grateful for many things. Firstly, I was out and about that first morning, and was grateful that I finished what I needed to do before I got sick. My youngest was such a help, and I could not help but feel so proud of him when he not only took care of the fish tank all by himself, and not only when he seemed to almost insist that he would take himself to school (though mind you he usually prefers a ride,) but he did not even ask me the second morning (I was more than able to take him!) but instead all I heard was the door close as he left for school.
My husband knows me well enough and knew I would not call our other son, so he did it without saying anything. And that chicken soup was just what I needed, and I am grateful for our son for stopping by, even if for just a couple minutes.
Every time I noticed something to be grateful for, it just filled me with love. By the end of the second day, when I would say I was mostly better, I felt so loved. When you feel loved, you feel happy, and when you are happy, the studies show that you get better faster!
Why do I tell you this story? What do the actions of my boys have to do with marriage? Well, not much actually.
But we have talked a lot about showing gratitude towards our husbands. To show gratitude, you have to first search out what you have to be thankful for, for if you don’t even see it, you can’t be thankful. Once you see the good, then you can show gratitude. If it is not something one is used to doing, it can be hard at first. It is a muscle that you have to constantly work on to make it stronger. You start small, find one small thing – or perhaps a big thing, sometimes big things are easier to see. The more you work your gratitude muscle, the easier it will be for you.
But what about my story? Yeah, okay, there was one part where my husband called our son, but it was mostly about two of our boys. The answer is simple. True, we are only working on our relationship with our husband right now, but really it all can be applied to all our various relationships – children, family, friends, co-workers, etc. No, I am not asking you to start applying these tools to your other relationships, right now I just want you to keep focusing on your relationship with your husband.
However, I share this story with you to show you a real-life example about how by working on this one special relationship – the one with your husband – you will probably notice that after a while, the tools you use will spill over naturally to your other relationships because of habit. And when that happens, you will be able to feel even happier about life in general. It might take a while, and right now you may feel like you are far from being there, and that is perfectly okay. We are all on our own path in life and we are just where we need to be at the moment. If you keep working, you will get there.
Here is what I want you to work on this week. Look for the things that your husband does or says that you can be grateful for. It can be something big, or even just something very small that normally neither of you would even notice. Look for it. Those things he does for you are there. It is so much easier to see all the things that annoy us for that is how we are built. But the true joy and happiness and contentment come from working on our gratitude muscle.
We all know by now that it is really nice if we thank our husband, but I want you to focus on how it makes you feel when you notice when your husband does something for you. Yes, remember to say thank you, but are you able to appreciate it? Does it make you smile on the inside? Can you feel the love that he has for you, even just a little bit?
Until next time,
💖 Rivkah