So, you met this amazing man and you fell in love with each other. Eventually, you found yourselves engaged and now you are married. Congratulations! Both of you were deeply in love and had dreams of your life together. You were incredibly happy, and it seemed like nothing could be better.
And then, reality set in. Perhaps you are still happily married. Yay! That is not an easy task. On the other hand, maybe your marriage is not as rosy as it used to be. Why does it seem like the latter is the norm? Things may not be going as well as you had hoped, or maybe they are not bad, but they are not great either.
But what if I told you that no matter where you find yourself in your marriage, you can make it better? Yes, even if you’re already happily married, you can be happier. And if things are not going well at all, you can turn your marriage around.
Now, I want to clarify that I am not a therapist or a doctor. I am simply someone who is passionate about her own marriage and in helping other women gather tools to put into their marriage toolbox so they can strengthen their marriages. My goal is for us to explore marriage together and delve into questions like: What is marriage? What is the purpose of marriage? Why can it be so difficult? Why do relationships start off well but often times fall apart? Some may even wonder if, God forbid, they made a mistake and married the wrong person. We will learn how to examine our marriage and acquire tools for building a happy, successful, and amazing marriage.
If one is sincere and truly wants to have a better marriage then the tools that we are going to learn will help. Most people genuinely desire a happy marriage, but they often lack the knowledge and know-how to make it happen. It is surprising that we make such a significant life decision without receiving proper guidance or education. After all, how many of us had Marriage 101 in school? Growing up, we were lucky if we had both parents living together, let alone parents who got along well. With such a lack of preparation for this life commitment, it is no wonder that there are so many issues in our marriages.
Before we proceed, I must make a disclaimer. The tools I teach can help improve most marriages, even if you and your husband seem to be trapped in a continual loop of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony Movement 1 and every interaction seems to be a yelling match. However, it is essential to note that they will not be effective in abusive relationships. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, I urge you to seek help immediately. There are various resources available, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which provides assistance 24/7. Please visit their website at thehotline.org for more information.
Now, let me share a bit more about myself. I have been happily married to my partner-in-crime for almost 26 years. Throughout our journey, we have experienced ups and downs, but we have always been by each other’s side. We have four wonderful boys, whom I have homeschooled until ninth grade. My husband and I have embarked on various adventures together, including business ventures. However, my true passion has always been marriage, both my own and in helping others.
I hold a weekly class for ladies in my home, where we learn together. After each class, I assign them homework, and they go back home to practice and to master the tools we discuss. I am excited to share these tools and secrets with you because I believe they can help numerous women. A happy and fulfilling marriage is not only special in itself, it also brings happiness and contentment to all aspects of life.
As little girls, we were often fed stories and fantasies that fueled our dreams. There was the notion of a “Perfect Marriage.” You know the story: Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a beautiful maiden who was stuck in a tall tower. One day, a knight in shining armor came riding by on a majestic white horse and stopped at the bottom of the tower – okay, you know what is going to happen so let us continue. He saw the lovely maiden and fell instantly in love and wanted to marry her. Unfortunately, to be able to reach her, the knight had to cross a moat that held the fiercest dragon in the country. After a long, hard battle, the knight finally won and killed the dragon, permitting him to reach the love of his life. They got married and lived happily ever after.
Sounds like a dream come true. The perfect marriage.
We all would like a marriage with absolute bliss. Our husband being our knight in shining armor, never getting into fights, or having arguments, where things run ever so smoothly. Oh, and do not forget, our husband can always read our minds and know when we are sad and knows exactly what will cheer us up, without us having to say a word.
But the truth is, we will never reach that perfect marriage and I hate to break it to you, our husband cannot read our minds and will not always surprise us with the exact thing that we need and want, without us having to tell him.
We are imperfect beings, and that is okay. We are not supposed to be perfect. Only God is perfect. The perfect marriage is an aspiration, something to strive for, like learning a musical instrument. No matter how much you practice, or how gifted you are, there is always room for improvement, and the more effort we put in, the greater the reward.
No matter how happy you are in your marriage right now, there will always be room for more happiness. I have experienced this in my own marriage. Years ago, I thought I could not be happier, but as time went on, I realized there was even more joy to be found. It does not matter where you are starting from in your marriage; it can continuously get better. We want to be happy, and we want to be able to work as one with our husband and we want to eliminate strife. Striving for a perfect marriage is our goal, even though it is unattainable, because it keeps us focused, it gives us direction and brings us closer to the love of our life.
Fights, arguments, and disagreements are a part of marriage. Two people love each other and decide to spend their lives together, but challenges arise. Sometimes, it may feel like you married the wrong person, but that is not true. We will learn that God only brings together two people who are meant for each other.
Now, here is the spoiler alert. Here is the secret to having the most wonderful, successful, and amazing marriage: When a woman treats her husband like a king, her husband will treat her like a queen. This sentence holds the key to understanding and implementing the lessons we will work on every day.
Every day? Yes, every day for the rest of your lives together. Marriage is not something to check off a bucket list. This is where most people get stuck. You do not just get married and then place a checkmark beside it; it requires continuous effort and growth. You are either growing together or growing apart. There is no staying in one place. You might be going up or down very slowly, but you are constantly moving.
Marriage is one of the most challenging relationships we will have because each person is unique, with different thoughts, ideas, and experiences. Physically we are all different. We can see this for we all have unique fingerprints and retina eye prints. Even identical twins are not 100% identical. Men and women are also very different, despite societal efforts to portray us as the same.
Not only will we learn about our differences, but we will learn to appreciate and embrace ourselves as women, and our husbands as men. And just like a good song where the melody and harmony are perfectly in tune with each other, our goal is to make our marriage melody the same. We want to create this amazing marriage melody with our husband so that it is so in tune we are like one.
Now for your homework. Do you remember the secret sentence I gave you: When a woman treats her husband like a king, her husband will treat her like a queen? Your homework is to figure out what this secret means. If you can figure it out, you are well on your way to a more wonderful, melodious marriage. See you next week!