Last time we were working on letting go. Finding one or two small things that you were willing to let him do his way. Where you able to give your husband at least some breathing space? If it has been a while since your husband felt safe doing things, it might take some time to see the positive outcome, but don’t worry, every time you are able to give him some space so he does not have worry too much about how he does the small things, it really is making a difference. It is like watering a seed. If you water some seeds, they sprout quite quickly, while other seeds seem to take a very long time to sprout out of the ground, but eventually they do come out.
Today we are going to sidestep a bit. Instead of just focusing on our husband this week, we need to remember that we are a whole person with our marriage being just part of who we are. Some of the other parts of us include our job, our family, our personal health (which includes self-care,) and other relationships. How we are doing and feeling in each of these areas affects all the other areas. It is like a body. If my leg or stomach is bothering me, the rest of me is affected as well.
Today we are going to take a look at one of the other parts of ourselves – our personal health. Don’t stop working on your relationship with your husband though! Keep working on it. Remember, a marriage is something you will work on every day. We are just putting a little more focus on you this time.
We live in a time where almost any information that we wish to glean is at our fingertips. We just have to go to the search bar of our favorite browser and type in what we wish to learn. And if that is not easy enough, we can now use AI to ask questions in a way that does not work on a standard search engine and get even more information.
Information is great! Except for when it is not. But, let’s keep going.
What are some of the areas that fall under the category of personal health? You can most likely list them off – they are pretty standard. You have your physical health which includes regular exercise, food and regular doctor visits, and there is your mental health which includes self-care, stress management, etc. Then, there is your spiritual health which includes the connection with your Creator and your personal self-improvement. Nothing new or extreme, just the simple parts of all of you – the physical, mental and spiritual. One could argue that our spiritual health should be its own category just like working on our husband or our job. I really like to include a little bit of the spiritual in each category, as well as a separate spot on its own. It is hard to be successful and happy in any area unless you bring the spiritual into each aspect of your life.
Today we are going to talk about our physical health. Let’s start with exercise. We all know we need to exercise. Yoga, Pilates, running, walking, hiking, cycling, by oneself or with a friend. There is every kind of class you can think of. There is the gym where you can use various machines – from cardio to weight training. If you are unsure of what to do, you can even get yourself a trainer. The sky’s the limit. You can keep track of your exercise on your phone – your phone most likely already has a step tracker installed and has been tracking your steps from day 1. You can install various apps for whatever kind of exercise you would like and have it tell you what to do. Don’t forget there is a plethora of videos online. There are apps that are free, and then there are apps that come with a small fee. You might already have some equipment at home to use – mats, bar bells, exercise bands, stationary bike, elliptical machine, etc. Or, you might have a membership to a gym. Some days you are able to walk or hike outside, and other days you might opt to stay indoors. There is no limit to what is available for you to do.
Which is better for me? How much exercise do I need? Do I need 10K steps a day? Is 20 minutes 3 times a week okay or do I need 30 minutes 3 times a week. How about 10 minutes a day?
Well, we are just going to move on.
We all know what comes next. Food. Our favorite friend or our worst foe! Most of us are lucky enough to have to worry about what we are eating. What do we choose? Regular or organic produce? Vegan? Do I really have to give my meat up entirely? Dairy-free? But non-dairy ice cream is just not the same. Believe me, I know. Paleo? Keto? Low carbs or no carbs? Fasting? Oh, don’t forget the water, but I don’t like the tap water, so bottled water it is. Nope, can’t use that, we now have microplastics to worry about. The list just goes on. You will drive yourself crazy trying to find the “best” diet to go on or exercise to do.
We all know that we have to eat healthy, and I bet you have a general idea of what that means – Limit the sugar and refined carbs such as chocolate, cookies, cakes, white bread, (notice I did not say get rid of it all! After all, John Hopkins lists all the amazing benefits to chocolate!) and load up on lots of veggies and fruit along with protein and fiber. So what are we supposed to do?
First of all, I don’t believe in diets. Diets don’t work. And almost of the time they are not healthy. I believe in life changes. If you need to change how you eat, change it, but make it a change, not a diet.
Secondly, you are not supposed to go crazy. There is so much information available to us at a click of a button and it is so amazing. (Except for when it is not.) Sometimes too much information boggles our mind. It makes for too much clutter. How do we sort through all the information?
This is where I like to make sure I add a little bit of sanity into my life. My spirituality. G-d created each one of us for a reason and each one of us has a unique mission. G-d does not create duplicates. There are no two people who have the same mission. You are unique, and this is why you are so special. We were put in this world to complete our unique task. Nowhere does it state that we are supposed to go crazy trying to do it! Actually, in multiple places in the Bible, it mentions that we are to be happy. He loves each one of us and cares for each one of us just like a loving father. With this in mind, how do we wade through all this information overload?
I read a story recently about an amazing woman. The family was not very well off, but somehow they managed, not only to have the necessities, but also to give so much to others. Every time this mother would make food for someone, it did not matter what she made, often times it was just a peanut butter and jam sandwich, but as she made the food, she asked G-d to infuse into the food everything needed to make the person healthy. This, I believe, is how we can figure out what we should do.
Yes, of course, we need to know the basics, but we all know that already. We really need to learn to take a step back, remember who really runs the world, and do the best we can, knowing that we are not supposed to be perfect, we are just supposed to do the best we can while still being able to remain happy.
Which exercise is best? Whatever you enjoy (and is safe for you to do. Please check with your doctor.) Not sure what you like? Start by trying out something that seems intriguing. Yoga’s not your thing? Try cycling. You can take a bike and go outside or use a stationary bike. Don’t like exercising by yourself? Grab a friend or find a class. You used to like something and now you are tired of it? Change what you do. A 10 minute walk is all you can find time for? Then do just that. Find something and then just do it. Don’t worry too much about how much or what you are doing. You need to exercise, so go find something you will enjoy. You will be able to make it a habit. Once you have made this habit, you can slowly start to work towards your proper exercise.
The same goes for our food. You know the basics. Tweak anything that needs tweaking. One step at a time. Instead of 2 teaspoons of sugar in your coffee, use just 1. If you have allergies or medical issues remember to talk to your doctor, other than that, find a path you feel is good (or at least a bit better) and go down that way. You like the vegan idea but like your dairy, that’s fine. You have no issues being an omnivore, that’s fine. Just make sure you have lots of veggies as well.
Whatever exercising you do, and whatever food you choose to eat, do it with the intent that you are doing your part to stay healthy. Even if you are not able to eat how you would like, either because what you feel you really need is not available, or because the cost is too much and you have to compromise, know what you are doing. And while doing it, remember to ask G-d to infuse everything you do and eat with everything you and your family need to be healthy. He can do anything. He has created a world that runs on nature; however, He can change nature (and has!) whenever He chooses.
The homework for today is to find time to sit down with yourself and be honest. Are you where you should be? If not, find just 1 or maybe 2 small things you can tweak. If you are happy where you are at the moment, and do not want to change anything, that is wonderful. Wherever you are, remember to put thought into what you do and eat and ask G-d to help make what you do good for you. And while you are at it, don’t forget to smile! You are doing amazing!
💖Rivkah