In the previous post, we discussed that a good marriage requires effort. It’s not something that will simply come to us or something we can achieve and then move on. It requires daily dedication.
Now, before I proceed, I understand that some of you, perhaps many of you, may strongly disagree with certain thoughts and ideas we will be discussing. They may appear old-fashioned and out of touch with modern society. After all, we have made significant progress in recent years. For example, the Feminist Movement granted us the right to vote, the freedom to work outside the home, the opportunity to pursue any career we desire, and the recognition that our opinions and feelings are valuable. Two hundred years ago, it would have been unimaginable to see women working in all the various sectors of society, from being schoolteachers to CEOs of major companies. In fact, it’s now highly encouraged for girls to pursue careers, and if they mention a desire to be a stay-at-home mom is often frowned upon. It is as if choosing such a path implies someone who is weak or has a lack of ambition because our society has undoubtedly advanced.
For the record, I fully support women having a voice, the right to vote, and the ability to forge their own paths in life beyond traditional domestic roles. However, it seems to me that the pendulum may have swung too far in the other direction. (And in case you’re assuming that I am old-fashioned and resistant to change, let me share that I was thrilled to pursue physics in university, a path which only became acceptable for women in the recent past.)
We are often told, especially as girls, to embrace independence, be strong, and stand our ground. Following this advice, we can find success in our careers. However, when we apply these principles to our relationship with our husbands, things often fall apart. Why does that happen? As we climb the ladder of success in our careers, reaching heights that women have never seen before, deep within each of us lies an irremovable desire to be cherished by our husbands. Yes, even women who strive to climb the corporate ladder possess this innate longing to be cherished and adored by their husband. There are two problems here. First, we are told that having such a desire is a sign of weakness; Afterall, we are encouraged to be strong and independent. Second, what works in the career world usually does not work with the most important person in our lives—our husband.
Some of you might be thinking, “That’s not true! I am perfectly content with the way things are. I don’t need that from my husband.” Take a moment and delve deep within yourself. It may be hidden beneath layers, but it is there. Perhaps these moments occur during board meetings, at the mechanic shop when you’re getting your car repaired, or when you successfully accomplish challenging tasks. Look around, for these moments exist—the times when you yearn to relinquish control to your husband and have him take charge or when you desire him to look up to you with admiration and happiness that you belong to him. Society often deems this desire as weak, but it is not.
Yes, it is okay to want and pursue a career. However, we must recognize that we cannot employ the same techniques we use in the office with our husband. We must acknowledge our inherent desire to be cherished and adored by him. It is not just a mere want, something that is nice to have; it is a genuine need that we all possess. When this need for being cherished is fulfilled by our husband, we are on the path to true happiness.
Now, let us revisit the last homework assignment. Do you remember the secret sentence I shared with you? The one sentence that holds the key to a happy, successful, and extraordinary marriage. It may have sounded too good to be true, but it really is true! Here is the sentence once again: “When a woman treats her husband like a king, her husband will treat her like a queen.” The homework was to understand the meaning behind this sentence.
Consider this scenario: You are about to have a private audience with a king or queen. How would you prepare for it? Would you wear the same clothes you wore while cleaning your house? Certainly not. You would select the finest outfit from your closet or perhaps even purchase a new one if you can afford it. After all, you are going to meet a king or queen. And what about your behavior and speech? You would be careful in your demeanor, mindful of how you present yourself, and speak in a kind and proper manner. You would maintain a calm voice, even in moments of disagreement, refraining from yelling or screaming.
Here is my question for you: What are you doing when you act in such a way? When you dress your best, pay attention to your behavior and speech? You are showing respect. When you encounter an important person, such as a king or queen, you show them respect. You may not necessarily like them as an individual, but their title alone warrants respect.
Now, here is something to ponder. Did you know that each one of us is a queen within our own home? When we demonstrate respect to our husband, our king, they will reciprocate with respect. This is the point where many of you might feel compelled to disagree with me. “Why should I be the one to initiate it? Why does this fall upon me? I will show respect when he deserves it.”
I understand your reservations and the inclination to resist taking the first step. However, let us consider this perspective. Do you truly desire a happy and extraordinary marriage? How much do you genuinely want it? And how would you feel if you could experience empowerment, success, contentment, and happiness not only in your marriage but also in other areas of your life? Does that not make the idea more appealing?
Now, I want to share a beautiful saying with you: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to do the right thing?” Sometimes, it falls upon us to do what is necessary to fulfill our needs. Initially, it might be challenging, but if we remain dedicated to our marriage—and ourselves—by choosing to do the right thing, we will find tremendous joy.
Why is it that we find it easy to show respect to everyone except those closest to us? The reason is that they are the ones closest to us, and as a result, we tend to feel comfortable, relaxed, and we tend to let our guard down. It is perfectly fine to feel comfortable, but we must be cautious not to lose the respect we hold for our husband.
The tools we will learn together are tried and true, having withstood the test of time for thousands of years, even in our modern era. The best part is that you do not have to take my word for it—in fact, I do not want you to. Instead, I want you to listen to what I have to say and put EVERYTHING I say to the test. Try out the suggestions in your own marriage and witness the results firsthand.
All I ask is for you to give it an honest try for just 3-4 weeks—dedicating yourself to one short podcast episode per week and diligently working on the assigned homework. Many of my students have witnessed immediate results with many of the techniques. However, depending on the specific area of your marriage you are focusing on, the level of closeness you share with your husband, and the quality of communication between the two of you, it may take weeks or even months to see the outcome of your efforts. Even if for nothing else, you will see results in you and that is a beautiful start. Rest assured that if you remain committed, it will undeniably make a difference. Your marriage is undoubtedly worth it—that’s why you came here in the first place.
This week’s homework is to work on not interrupting your husband. Sounds easy, right? Well, I challenge you to do it and see how it goes!
Wishing you much success!