We will begin with last week’s homework, which focused on not interrupting your husband. Although it may seem like an easy task, it proves to be one of the most challenging for my students. We often find ourselves caught up in multitasking, such as preparing dinner, talking on the phone with a friend, and attending to our children’s questions, without thinking anything of it. Is there anything wrong when we are engaged in a discussion with our husband to briefly shift our attention to address a child? After all, as mothers, it is our responsibility to care for our children, and afterwards we promptly redirect our focus back to our husband and the ongoing conversation.
Before we delve into answering that question, let’s take a step back and try to gain a better understanding of what it means to be a male or a female. Society wants us to believe that men and women are equal. Nevertheless, as we will shortly see, men and women are anything but equal. We possess fundamental differences from one another. Our perceptions, actions, and approaches to tasks vary significantly. In fact, we couldn’t be more different when compared to our husband. We are like polar opposites—similar to magnets where the south pole of one magnet is irresistibly attracted and bound to the north pole of another magnet, our husband is attracted and attached very strongly to us. We are not equal, but we should be equally respected.
I once heard someone explain he prefers to discuss male character traits and female character traits, rather than categorizing individuals strictly as male or female. The reason behind this perspective is that each one of us possess a unique combination of both male and female traits. While men predominantly exhibit male character traits with a sprinkling of female traits, women predominantly display female character traits with a few male traits, resulting in each one of us being a unique individual.
It is important to note, as we move forward, that when we discuss the nature of men and women, we are generalizing. There are always exceptions to these generalizations, which is why it is very helpful to examine things in terms of character traits. Each of us is a distinct person and possesses our own set of traits. By understanding the various components that constitute our overall makeup, we not only gain a better understanding of ourselves but also of other people.
So, what defines male character traits? A straightforward way to grasp this is by considering the physical realm. Men tend to be more inclined towards physicality. They are generally taller and stronger than women, often choosing careers in fields like construction, plumbing, and electrical work. They also make up the majority in fields such as sciences, math, and engineering due to their ability to generate many creative ideas. Moreover, men can get easily excited about something but struggle to see it through to completion for they are ready to move to the next bigger and better thing. If we delve further and examine their biology, we see that in the creation of a child, when the male contributes, it is magnitudes greater than a woman’s contribution, and his contribution takes a relatively short period of time.
On the other hand, what characterizes female character traits? Once again, we can observe the physical realm. Women tend to be more emotional, spiritual, and nurturing. They make up the majority in professions such as elementary education and nursing, which demand multitasking abilities. The physical jobs they often undertake are less physically strenuous, such as tailoring, administrative assistance, and house cleaning. If we examine a woman’s role in the creation of a child, we see that the woman takes one of the many sparks of energy from her husband to nurture and creates a child and the time she takes to do this is significantly longer. She takes one of the many and brings it to life before it dissipates. And because of this gift, a woman needs to be cautious not to become stifling, as they can sometimes struggle to let go of thoughts, ideas, and letting go of their children as they get older.
Let’s recall that we were discussing character traits. Male character traits are typically associated with physicality and the capacity to generate new ideas, whereas female character traits are more inclined towards emotions, spirituality, and the ability to receive and nurture.
Now, I know that you all can see that as women, you predominantly exhibit female traits, although not exclusively. Similarly, you will begin to notice that your husband mostly embodies male character traits, but he does possess a few female traits as well. This amalgamation is what makes it truly beautiful.
Considering this combination, we can observe that certain fields tend to be dominated by either women or men when individuals have the freedom to choose their own career paths. People make their own choices of what area they want to specialize in when they enter university. I consulted the latest statistics from the U.S. Bureau of Labor for the year 2021 and selected a few intriguing figures.
Women comprised 74% of florists, 77% of librarians, 82% of veterinarians, and 96% of child day care workers. Conversely, men held a majority in the construction industry at 89%, leather and hide tanning at 100%, farm supply wholesalers at 100%, rail transportation at 92%, and landscaping services at 90%.
I hope that you can now start to see our differences. While we do share many similarities, there exist fundamental distinctions between us. Neither side is superior to the other. It is akin to comparing an orange and a carrot—both are orange and grow from plants, but they are inherently dissimilar. One is not any better than the other; rather, we should ask, “What is needed?” If you desire something hearty with vitamin A, opt for the carrot. If you seek vitamin C or sweetness, choose the orange. Sometimes, a carrot can satisfy a sweet tooth, like in a carrot cake. Similarly, an orange can add flavor to savory dishes, such as seasoning chicken.
Just like the carrot and orange, men and women have their respective areas of expertise, although they can share and cross boundaries at times. We are different, and we are both necessary. It is truly a beautiful thing.
Now we can have an inkling as to why sometimes there is a lot of tension within marriages. Sometimes (often?) we just cannot seem to be on the same page. I know you now have some questions, “Why does that have to be? Why were we created in this way?” Those are very good questions.
Let me tell you a story that happened between my husband and I several years ago. We had to make a decision regarding one of our children, and as good parents, we talked long and hard about what needed to be done. We had two options, Option A and Option B. We knew which one we wanted – but we also knew that we were being a bit selfish. The question was which was best for our son. We listed all the pros of each option and all the cons for each option, but we could not figure it out. Option A still looked really good, but was it the correct path? We were tempted to choose it; however we still were unsure. I then had the idea of focusing on the major pros for Option B. What ensued was that my husband could only come up with all the negatives for Option B, while I could only come up with the major pluses for Option A. Neither of us came up with good reasons to choose Option B, just some perks. What I realized happened is that we both approached the question from very different angles and because we did, we were able to make a decision that we both were very confident with. Yes, marriage can be difficult, but it is supposed to be. Amazing things will come out of it. 1 plus 1 does not equal 2. It equals 3 or 4 or 8 or more.
Now, let us conclude by addressing the question we initially posed: Why is it so challenging to avoid interrupting our husbands? While talking with kindred spirits who are comfortable with multitasking, feel free to be yourself. However, it’s important to recognize that our husband often differ in this aspect. When we multitask while talking to our husband, he may feel disregarded or sidelined. Interrupting him can give the impression that he is not valued in our eyes. Make your husband your king. Observe the positive changes that occur. I assure you, you won’t regret it.
Since this is generally a difficult homework to master, we will continue practicing it for another week.. Focus on not interrupting your husband when he is talk to you of to others.
To help out, I have published a journal on the website. It includes sections for recording the weekly homework, reflecting on how things went, noting both the positive aspects and the areas for improvement, and considering alternative approaches for future attempts. I encourage you to visit and explore it!